Yesterday I posted that after seven years, my job was no longer Syria conflict-related. I talked about the relief and guilt I felt upon unsubscribing from all my usual Syria updates over email and WhatsApp, which I’ve been part of for years for various jobs. And how, after joining a new project at work last month, I’ll no longer need to follow what’s happening in Syria closely.

My post went live at 2:11pm Boston time yesterday, which happened to be just about 6 hours before the massive, 7.8 magnitude earthquake hit Turkey and northern Syria.

Today, Syria is back at the very top of my and everyone’s radar.

I can’t believe the bad timing of yesterday’s post!

I don’t even have any conclusion here. Just “oh no” and “seriously?” and “but how?”

Every time numbers of deaths are reported in the news, for any reason, it just boggles my mind and I can’t really wrap my head around it. Does this happen to you, too? Today’s number is 3,800 and climbing.

This morning I woke up and listened to NPR’s Up First podcast while running on the bike path near my house in calm, quiet Arlington, MA. Pulling up the podcast before starting my run was the first I heard of the news: “The death toll continues to rise after a massive earthquake strikes Turkey and Syria.”

Run, shower, breakfast, coffee, and then my first call of the day was with my colleague who has just taken over my old (Syria-related) job. It was supposed to be a routine onboarding call where we talked about my old/her new job. Instead we mostly talked about how she and the Syria-based team had made the decision to cancel what they were doing – door-to-door surveys in Northern Syria for our ongoing research there – today and probably for the rest of the week.

I started messaging Syrian friends and colleagues. I didn’t have anything useful to say (I never do when it comes to Syria. You’d think I would have gotten better at this over time). I awkwardly started with “Just heard the terrible news….” and felt a bit idiotic. I also said, “Please let me know if I can do anything….” though I know there’s nothing I can do.

Everyone I know, and all their families, are all okay. And I don’t personally know anyone living in the most-affected region of Syria, the northwest.

One friend wrote, “I have been through a lot since the war started in Syria. Lived under airstrikes, sneaked between buildings where snipers were active, witnessed people being arrested and beaten on streets, and even lived under ISIS rule, but I have never been as stressed as today.”

Others talked about how they feel their overall resilience is going down, after going through too much stress over the years of war. Another lamented, “Syrian people always suffer!”

This reminds me of what I wrote in another post: “If just a war was the only thing you needed to worry about! But it is the war, and then your father gets cancer. It is the war, and a miscarriage; it is the war, and a young girl having her heart broken by some stupid guy on top of that. It seems unbelievable.”

Again, I have no good conclusion here. I just feel bogged down by the news, and somewhat silly that yesterday I wrote to you, “I’m going to stop thinking about Syria now!”