Dear Love, what would you have me know today?

Hello, I am here. I am always here! You need to love yourself, which means holding yourself in very high regard. You are the only one of you. There’s not another one of you on this planet.

My little pumpkin, you have been doing a little too much scraping and tiptoeing and bowing down to others. You decided somewhere in the course of the last crazy week that Dominick’s opinion of you would determine your self-worth; as if it ever could! You want to work hard and be polite and helpful, and make things convenient for others.

Now, my dear one, I don’t blame you for that. It’s not an inherently bad thing, and of course it got drilled into you at USM. Get the A’s, be the good (helpful) girl, get the stars, please the adults. In making things neat and convenient for other people, my little cherry, you have been losing yourself.

It’s convenient for work if you wake up at 6am several mornings in a row to write – before all the calls and craziness begin at 9am – the communications strategy document.

It’s convenient for them that you traveled to facilitate that workshop last week and that you’ll travel again to co-lead a research project in a few months’ time.

It’s convenient when you work overtime without complaint, when you don’t ask for more money, more time off, better health insurance.

It would be convenient for Raja if you would let all those things go that you feel “wronged” over – those slights large or small that inevitably accumulate in a partnership.

It’s convenient for capitalism when you are in a burned-out stupor and turn to Instagram or Netflix.

But you asked what I’d have you know today. I’d have you know that you are infinitely, infinitely loved. That I will never desert you. That your self-worth does not lie with opinions of you by Dominick, Angela, Tina, Rob, Avery, Lily, or anyone. That you don’t need to bow or scrape so much in your life and just humbly ask for morsels or crumbs from these people’s tables.

Because I love you, I want to see you take back your own power. Bit by bit, or even all at once.

You’re not here on earth to say, “Please, sorry, Lily, don’t want to bother you, but would it be okay if I work just eight or nine hours in a day?”

Or to your weekly planner, “Hello weekly planner, could you help me find just 45 minutes to write this week?”

Or to Raja, “So sorry to bring this up again, but could we try to make our apartment tidier, maybe we could work on this one day a week?”

UM, HELLO?

You are not here for morsels.

You are here for giant, magnificent, decadent cakes.

I want them for you, so I’m going to give them to you, and you’re going to accept them with a beaming smile – you’re not going to say, “Oh thank you, but I actually already ate.”

In life, the narrative goes, you work hard in the present to secure _____ in the future: savings, more freedom, more peace of mind, more job security, more flexibility, a job you like, a life you want, and so on.

Well, my dear: didn’t you work so hard in your past lives to have all those things? You have them now, are you enjoying them? (Never mind the fact that this narrative is flawed to begin with.)

You worked really hard at USM and then Pius to get to a good college, and then you worked really hard at Tufts to get a good job after college, and then you worked really hard at RWG to gain experience, then ACI, all to climb the ladder, and eventually landed at your current job and project, which you actually love, so now?? I want to see you basking in the present. Please don’t race through only thinking of the future.

Now is your time. 2024, specifically, is your year. And things should also be convenient for you.

It would be convenient for you if you had less work.

It would be convenient for you if you had a lot more writing time.

It would be convenient for you if you carried a lighter mental load in your household.

If you had more fun and joined a band again. If you had more time to run and exercise.

I love you infinitely and I want to see you step into your power. To step up and take those giant, magnificent cakes. No more begging for crumbs.

Love,
Love

PS. This was fun! Thanks for sitting with me. Let’s do this again tomorrow.

PPS. By setting yourself free, you set others free, too. It is not a zero-sum game.